I used to be indecisive. Is it wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly? It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally. The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place. Here are 10 great social media jokes to make you laugh: “A new study found that more than 11 million people have quit Facebook in the last three years. If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate. Experts know more and more about less and less till they know absolutely everything about nothing. I’ve seen too many of them get elected. They can be witty and wonderful quotes to share on Facebook and Twitter. The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. ~Phyllis Diller. A bus station is where a bus stops. If you wait, all that happens is that you get older. You can either do this as a written post or shoot a short video. Not as a full time job just a way to make hens meet. It was delicious. A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence, phrase, or larger discourse is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. Zoals wanneer je met een bos bloemen ergens komt en er altijd wel een grapjas is die zegt:”Dat had je nou niet hoeven doen!” — Aisha (@gipsbek) November 22, 2018 . All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy. She often stood outside in order to be outstanding. ~Jim Carrey in Bruce Almighty, I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. Then I give them pictures of my family, my dog, and me gardening. Always swim or dive with a friend. A problem is really only a fact that someone is resisting. Note: it is copyright infringement to download my images, or to copy my curated collection to post online. Being wise is not getting into it in the first place. "This is amazing!" Work is the curse of the drinking classes. Food Jokes on this Page Baker One-liners and Puns 7 Cook One-liners Chicken or Duck? ~Yogi Berra. I’m not being rude. 2018. A train station is where a train stops. March 11, 2020 by Louise Myers 2 Comments. If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up with him. ~Oscar Wilde. Evening news is where they begin with “Good evening” and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t. – Mari Smith. Gboard—The Google Keyboard. It’s the least I can do, and I always like to do the least. Pick a topic in current events or one that is trending on social media and offer your thoughts on the topic as an attorney. My father had a profound influence on me. A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it. I just think, why did they believe me? It tells guys like me to either shape up or just go ahead and run for President. I expressed my opinion in great detail by hitting the “Like” button. The world owes you nothing. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. They both think people want their exposure. ~Andretti. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter. Be careful about reading health books. Click here to share these social media quotes – Tweet this! Never leave till tomorrow what you can immediately forget. source, This long word comes from two Greek words meaning “beyond expectation.”. My first in 2016 and its still going strong and has been used A LOT! They know me here. So I became a disappointment. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness. I was going to wear my camouflage shirt today, but I couldn’t find it. The most important social element in modern computer game development is probably still beer. ~Tommy Cooper. Baker One-liners and Puns A baker stopped making doughnuts after he got tired of the hole thing. Rock your online presence with DIY graphics! I reckon if someone's turned blue, it's a bit late to be debating whether or not their life matters anyway. I realized that the other day inside my fort. Google Scholar; Google LLC. Others, whenever they go. Humor is known to provide positive health effects on individuals by producing endorphin’s that are 500 times more effective in eliminating pain than morphine. Friend - "That's not the truth, there is no such law Arab countries". Put the words to music—maybe a tune you already know. Paraprosdokians are clever, surprising sayings, where the ending presents an unexpected twist. He's sick. Pin the images to Pinterest, or copy a text quote to make picture quotes for social media marketing. I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather, not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. ~Phyllis Diller, When you forgive, you in no way change the past – but you sure do change the future. – Marcus Sheridan Eat what you want and if someone lectures you about it, eat them too! Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool. ~Peter H.Diamandis. I’ve also got another 2 liners and they've been the most comfortable soft liners for our baby girl while fighting leukaemia. Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. ~Frida Kahlo. 2. I removed all the bad food from the house. Jul 31, 2014 - Explore LHWH Advertising & PR's board "Social Media Jokes", followed by 141 people on Pinterest. It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one’s mouth and remove all doubt. 3. The charity also uses trending news stories to fuel their social media campaign, referencing the infamous “covfefe” tweet in one Facebook post to highlight their message5. ~Spike Milligan. It’s nice. I’m not being rude. In celebration of his upcoming birthday, let's look back on some of his best quotes, jokes, and one-liners. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. You can always count on governments to do the right thing – after they’ve tried everything else. ~Chuang Tzu, The day before something is a breakthrough, it’s a crazy idea. I am a Democrat. ~Einstein, Marriage is a great institution, but I’m not ready for an institution. 1. This is a guest post from our friends at Tackk. Sometimes Social Media can be a bit wacky, especially when it’s part of your job. To keep fit my grandmother walks five miles a day. Als jij in social media werkt, dan weet je natuurlijk allang dat jouw werk eigenlijk draait om één ding: relevantie (toch?). My days of not taking you seriously are coming to a middle. I try to watch what I eat and yet my eyes just aren’t quick enough. You’re never too old to learn something stupid. He’s currently being tweeted in hospital. Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with. The social content your business creates gives your business a personality, creditability, and most importantly, expertise in your area. So this is what they called the #trashtag challenge, They're the ones yelling, "Retweet! ~Zach Galifianakis, The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades. ~Mae West, He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house. The only reason for time is so that everything doesn’t happen at once. [company] has automatically recommended [this product] for you. Being smart is knowing how to get out of a tough situation. ~Helen Keller. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman. Some cause happiness wherever they go. A contractor is a chap who steals your watch and charges for telling the time. We grow old because we stop playing. ~Demetri Martin. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen. In that order! ~Einstein, A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree. His arms were in casts. If you think nobody cares you’re alive, try missing a couple payments. Set a lawyer on fire, he’ll be warm for the rest of his life. Have a look at these witty one liners. The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face. For international calls, please use 562-207-9300. The social media landscape is a noisy landscape. I want one, but I can't decide what I want and I don't want to be stuck with one I'm just going to grow to hate and have to have surgically removed later." ~Bernard Meltzer, There is no revenge so complete as forgiveness. Speed up your smartphone, throw it out a 10th story window. You remind me of when I was young and stupid. He told me I can't just Thoreau my life away. If the enemy is in range remember so are you. Mining the relationship between emoji usage patterns and personality. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery. It should be thrown with great force. The car stopped on a dime, which unfortunately was in a pedestrian’s pocket. 2018. It’s easy to tell when a lawyer is lying as their lips move. Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy. She looks as though she’s been poured into her clothes, and forgot to say ‘when’. He was a lunatic. Check this box to allow the collection and storage of the data you submit with your comment. But first, it will piss you off. today they're mostly known as social media influencers, I got some paper to refill it, and that's when I noticed something interesting. To err is human, to really mess up though, that takes a computer. The following are fun jokes to share with kids who tour your farm, on school visits, with grand kids, or even on social media. I have a lot of growing up to do. With music bumping, and social media blowing up with post about where it was, tons of fans were trying to get in, but bouncers turned them all away unless Cardi B gave approval herself. Pet spiders are cheaper to buy off the web. ”why the Long face” Did you ever notice the long face of donkeys? The following series of witty one liners are great phrases to remember so you can share them along to others. Future Science/Weather Time George Orwell social media It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect. There are 10 kinds of people in the world: Those that understand binary and those that don’t. I don’t know why they told me I’m innumerate, it doesn’t add up. ... Ricky's thoughts on social media You have no idea you're committed until you try to leave. You’re just insignificant. I went outside my room and met my family, they seem pretty cool. If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong. Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Maar kende je deze 16 oneliners al? A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. ~Spike Milligan, If at first you don’t succeed, blame your parents. 1. Where there’s a will, I want to be in it. Get Graphic Design & Social Media Marketing tips from an expert. Social Media One-Liners Did you know people are getting paid to mention products in their Facebook statuses? 1. ”Not a horse but a donkey. The last time I was someone’s type, I was donating blood. The fly was very close to being called the land, because that’s what it does half the time. Some people exist as a consequence of their actions, others take action towards their consequences. Click on! A person who won’t read has no advantage over one who can’t read. Growing old is tough; not growing old is worse. He felt a sense of building excitement as he headed to the DIY store. She got her good looks from her father; he’s a plastic surgeon. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis. It was here first. Real knowledge is to know the extent of one’s ignorance. Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. If tomato is a fruit, is ketchup a smoothie? Enter your account data and we will send you a link to reset your password. Although initially created for personal use, social media is particularly important for many business marketing strategies. A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it. Woke up this morning, got out of bed, went to the bathroom. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once. I figured the Speaker of the House would be the Tweeter of the group. Where they begin with “ good evening ” and then proceed to tell them I love them, Marriage a... Frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect both ( hopefully ) and for! 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